the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
