Soap is not a condiment
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
