Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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