did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After last night, I could never be a politician.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
