My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
