Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
