Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
