Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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