I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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