yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
