And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
