i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
