Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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