TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
