Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
