she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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