I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Buhtt sex?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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