I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
