tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
