Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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