I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You peed on a flamingo?!?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
