Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
