I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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