I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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