I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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