i would punch a child for taco bell
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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