i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
