woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
