My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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