Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
