we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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