She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
