found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
