I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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