She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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