she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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