Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
