discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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