I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my shit smells like andre
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
