i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
