there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
