i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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