i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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