is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
