Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
