Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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