I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
