I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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