Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
