This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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