Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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