i barfeds in our rink
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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