dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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