i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
