How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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