My Higher Power is John Stamos
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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