Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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