I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
