The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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