i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
