i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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