Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
