IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
