I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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