i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
