During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
