i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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