Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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