whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
