all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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