M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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