the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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