and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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