I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
