I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
