So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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