He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
