My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
