Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
